I’ll Have a Tinkering & Tonic with My Almond Retta Salad

In the year 2000, I actually waitressed at TGI Fridays for 3 weeks with my best friend (so it was double the humiliation). In those days we actually wore the hideous red-and-white striped shirts with flair. Twenty-nine buttons advertising causes we couldn’t care less about. Although, I did unearth a New Kids on the Block button from an old shoebox and I proudly displayed it on my suspenders. You’ve seen Office Space. This was worse, because it was real.

However, it was like playing pretend restaurant. We decorated our order books with stickers. We went out and bought black miniskirts and patterned tights to wear with our disgusting used (stained) oversized shirts. Then we studied the menu. We took the test side by side in a freezing back booth. “Hey. Pssst. What are the 19 ingredients in the Strawberry Fields Salad? What in God’s name is a Firecracker Agave Mangorita?”

We passed! Or they just felt sorry for us. In those days, the service bartender was shoved into a tiny window actually IN the kitchen. I took an order from a little old lady sitting by herself and after making her repeat it three times, I still I had no idea what she wanted to drink. So, I went back to the service bartender and phonetically repeated what the lady had said. “She wants a tink…tinker… tinkering and tonic? I’ve never heard of that.”

This bartender was literally doubled over clutching her sides laughing hysterically at me. “That’s because it’s Tanqueray!” OK, OK, so I was green once. Thirteen years later, I was working the service bar in Ocean City when this 20-year-old 4-foot Irish server asked me to make him an “Almond Retta Salad.” He asked me if he should put a straw in it. In my devilish mind I said, “Well I usually put a fork in my salad.” But instead I smiled sweetly and said, “No dear, you put a cherry in an Amaretto Sour.”